It should seriously scare me to death that my daughter is on suicide watch in the county jail. But my God has awoken me this early morning, from deep sleep, to pray for her once again. I am doing so. I am also trusting in Him that He is allowing this darkness in her life because the spiritual battle for her soul is now at hand. But God’s “got this”.
It seems that she is truly broken now. She has lost all hope of help in her circumstance, unless from God. Does she realize it now? I visited her on Thursday last week. There was no trace of the defiance nor any fight left in her. Even the charges that might have been held against her that she was innocent of, she was not up to fighting. To be true, she knew she had lost the battle to her partners in crime that were more devious than she. And she recognized them for what they were– “not friends.”
Each of her children, her father and I have all received letters of contrition, sorrowful admission of hurtful things she has done and failures she finally realizes. Asking our forgiveness. Her heart knows she’s lost all of our trust. And she fears loss of our love too.
Who but God could love her now? Does she know? Does she remember our teachings? Did she get the letter from a few days ago?
Once it was I in the hole of darkness, truly ashamed and broken from all the mess I had made of my life. But now I know from whom my help comes.
2 Samuel 22:3 The God of my rock; in him will I trust: he is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my saviour…
Please pray for my daughter in this spiritual battle. I know that God doesn’t need our help, but my broken daughter needs much help in prayer. I want so badly to go to her, hold her and fix it all of course. But God, knowing me, has tucked her away in a place where I can’t get to her.
I am grateful to HIM that He loves her more than I. He’s “got this”.