Writer’s block is not what has kept me from my blog spot for almost a year now. I really did have a lot to say. Thankfully, though, the Lord held me back from writing and sharing my innermost feelings. I had in the back of my mind the scripture that says that I would be held accountable for anyone that I had discouraged from pursuing God; that they might fall. This scripture supports that:
Hebrews 12:15 “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
I thank God that I was familiar enough with the Bible that this scripture was written on my heart and that I didn’t blog during my journey through the desert.
I was wondering how long He would let my negative attitude drag me through this lonely desert of pain. I stopped asking Him “why” questions and pleading for mercy long ago, and started yelling at Him—and then stopped even that, believing that He must not care because I got no response.
The joy was gone—and then it was the HOPE that was gone. I was so disheartened that I felt paralyzed.
Who hasn’t been there at some point?
Grieving after a loved one dies is normal. Depression about circumstances unexpected is normal. Anger at unfair treatment is normal. But HOPELESSNESS is death at the doorstep. At least that’s how I felt. Every day.
Here’s the thing though– Jesus claimed me as His many years ago when I accepted that HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS. At that time these things happened to me:
- I knew in my heart that because God created me for His good pleasure, my being was bonded with His, and not anything that was ever created except a restored bond with Him would fill my emptiness.
- I knew that as unworthy as I was, He loved me with all His being and when I realized why there was a Jesus, the bond was immediate, the emptiness was filled. Just as a mother’s arms are filled with the newborn child placed there just seconds after that child left her womb. Her heart sings.
- I fell in love with Him immediately and my heart sang. Not just like the ABC song but like long, loud and impassioned! In my heart of course. When I was alone and wouldn’t freak people out -sometimes I sang with my voice too.
- I knew from that day that God had sent Jesus to save me because there really is a heavenly home for us to go to and it is without imperfection—without bad people, illness, immorality or depravity of any kind. God created it perfect and it’ll stay perfect because our Savior Jesus has bridged the gap by paying the price of our sin—He’s the reason we can have our relationship with our creator restored and live in that heavenly home. AND THAT’S HOPE.
SO—back to the story of my l-oooong pity party.
I missed my relationship with my Lord so much. I remembered the unconditional love I felt and wanted it back every day of travel through the desert. So, because I know that the Word says, “If you seek me, you shall find me”—I am seeking now diligently. This will be a journey back to the hope, the passion, and finally the joy. I know it is true because His word says so:
“You will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord.
I know, because the bond is real between my Lord and I, that the Bible is truth. I will act on faith now because I am tired of the hopelessness which is synonymous with death in my opinion. I will blog my journey back to joy, which is because of hope in Him.
I invite you to follow me if you are feeling hopeless and lost. Maybe sharing my experience will help you find your way to Him (or back to Him) also.
Plan for first week 6/29/14
- I will listen to uplifting Christian radio, or downloaded Christian music daily at least 30 minutes. (I started this 3 days ago and it is definitely helping.)
- I will read from my Bible promise book, whichever topic I am feeling needy about before bed. This will only take 5 minutes or so.
- I will pray for the Lord to help my unbelief (short and specific). I will act on faith that He hears and cares.
- I will blog about my progress. The goal is JOY because there is HOPE. This is my journal about the journey Home to Him.